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Just what are we teaching our kids?
For those who aren't yet aware of it, the National Alliance for Youth Sports through one of their programs has established a parent's code of conduct - at least one parent signs it or the child isn't allowed to play. When the athletic association in Jupiter, FL, made this mandatory it received national coverage in Sports Illustrated.
There's also, of course, a coaching code of ethics, and almost everyone out there has an opinion or three.
Here are some sources for more information...
Comments from voters...
These are a few of the many, many comments we received. As we probably all have horror stories, I've chosen to include only a couple that hilite what happens when a parent, or coach, misses the point ...
The situation: Dad says son likes to play 3rd base; coaches try son at 3rd but he's unable to protect himself, let alone play the position. We tell mom (because dad is never around); mom's take is that since she paid the league registration fee, her son is entitled to play whatever position she requests for him (we're mystified by the ignorance...). About the 6th game of the season, dad notices that son hasn't even gotten a sniff of the infield, let alone 3rd. Dad walks into the dugout demanding to know why son has not played 3rd. We tell him why. He says "that's b---s---" (said while 2 kids are sitting in dugout, one is his son). He then tells his son to get his gear together and that they are leaving because these coaches are a--h---s!!. I told him to watch his language, his response was f--- you!!. I then got adament about his language, because my son was the other kid sitting there and I say "leave the dugout now, we can discuss this off the field". At this point he screamed at his son to "get your s--t, we're gone".
This is where it gets really sad. Son says quietly (obviously intimidated) "I wanna play." Dad says "What?" Son says "I don't care if I play 3rd, I just wanna play." At this point dad looks me in the eye, and says "This is all b---S---!!" and storms out of the dugout. I asked both boys if they were ok (obviously shaken). I didn't have words to explain what had just happened, mostly because I couldn't quite believe it myself. For the rest of the game the kids had to endure an ongoing in-the-stands battle with the (we care more about ourselves than our kid) parents. A code of conduct might have helped in this situation, and I am sure that it wouldn't have hurt.
- Kevin Hartt
I witnessed a coach bickering and berating an under-payed high school aged umpire. The game was lopsided and the constant complaining was over a sliding rule that was a judgment call at best. The coach was begging for the runner to be called out for not sliding. The throws were either late, off line, or lofted so high in the air that the kids were easily beating the throws to the bag. The verbal bashing continued till the opposing coach put his two cents in. This led to a heated exchange where the 1st coach said, "fine we quit." He pulled his team off the field and told them they were leaving. The second coach puffed out his chest over his fortified victory. The result was heart broken, confused kids. As I walked by the bench of the team that was behind I heard one crying little boy say "I don't care about the score" - he just wanted to play.
- Jim
I have seen parents threaten physical violence to umpires and coaches. I have seen umpires make horendous calls that are obviously biased. I have seen coaches get too wrapped up in winning to care whether they are teaching anything, or the kids are having any fun. I have also seen kids that are convinced that they are the second coming of Ken Griffey and Babe Ruth all wrapped up into one. I think that the code of conduct will be helpful to all youth league sports.
- John Howard
Perspective is hard to teach. Many parents and coaches are so consumed by winning and success that they overlook opportunities to teach and influence young lives. Many coaches don't understand the commitment necessary to coach, both from an energy standpoint and an understanding of the game.
- Patrick Shea
As coaches and parents we have a responsibility to instill good sportsmanship in players of all ages and ability levels. Winning is NOT the aim, personal skill development and teamwork are important. Unfortunately these days a ballplayer of age 9 can be 'washed up' due to the pressure to be the best.
- Hal
I have some problem with having anyone sign a code of conduct. However, in today's society I thinks it helps to let folks know up front what is expected of them. Without out question a code would remind them that this game is for the kids and is meant to be a teaching/learning ground. If they want to yell, argue or fight, go somewhere else. We have enough rude, unprofessional, violent behavior without allowing it on to our ballfields.
- Michael R. Acey
We as coaches often forget where we are when we let our anger come to the surface. I have seen two coaches on opposing teams argue over the dumbest things. I always wonder what impression that left on the kids (age 9-10). It never ceases to amaze me, the comments that parents make while in the stands watching the game - not comments about their own kids or team but comments about other kids. Parents have absolutely no conscience when it comes to sports. They are likely trying to live a childhood they were not able to when they were young, so they start to act like a child. I have coached ball for 13 years and have always thought it would be a good idea to sign something like a conduct code.
- Curt
We were all created equal. If one group signs, we all sign. Remember, this is team sport and a TEAM effort to make it a good experience for the kids.
- Joe Brooks, Jr. Coach and Parent
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